 Every time my daughter says this line, I find myself bracing for impact! As she gets older, I have even added a quick prayer for guidance on how to respond to whatever it is she has to share.
One afternoon driving home from her pre-school, she announced in her sweet little 4-year-old voice that she had to tell me something. Here’s how it went: Em: Mommy, I have to tell you something. Me: What is it, sweetheart? Em: Today at school *boy* tried to show me his privates. Me: (Thankful to be stopped at a red light with my back to my girl.) Oh, okay. What did you do? Em: I ran away, Mommy. That is GROSS! Me: Do you remember who was around you when that happened; did any teachers see? Em: No, but I told Mrs. Beth and Mrs. Christine! Me: Well, sweetheart, you did the right thing, and I appreciate you telling me. You know you can always tell Mommy and Daddy anything. Right? Em: Right. Me: And should anyone ever show you their privates? Em: No. Me: Right, that’s why they are called PRIVATE! Friends, if your child (no matter the age) discloses something of this nature to you, here are a few essential things to keep in mind:
Folks, you’ve got this! And if you feel like you still need some more education to be fully prepared, reach out by clicking here. I would love to help you one-on-one or through a virtual parent workshop. To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following: www.fosteringsuccessllc.com facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/ instagram.com/fostering_success_llc/ linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/
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 “I know I should talk to my kids about sex, but I don’t how!"
Parents, I hear you. I feel you. I empathize with you. I was in the same boat a few years ago when I realized my daughter was growing at a faster pace than was my knowledge base on how to initiate birds & bees conversations! Fortunately for me, when I realized it was time to start digging into this subject matter, I was in graduate school writing what felt like a full-on research paper a week. So, with my mind already in research mode, I entered this into a Google search: How do I teach my daughter about sex? (Side note: I am grateful I had safe search filters enabled when I plugged in that question! If you need some guidance on safe search check out this blog post from last month.) That search was the beginning of months worth of vetting books, reviewing blogs, talking to parents of older children. In essence, anything I could get my hands on that helped me craft the strategy for approaching all the many layers of this topic boldly and confidently! And, in the manner most appropriate for OUR family based on our own core beliefs, value system, and maturity of our daughter. In my parent workshop - Prepping for The Talks - I share a comprehensive list of resources by age/stage so they can take what they have learned in the workshop and build their family toolkit that is best suited for their family’s needs. In today’s resource spotlight, I am featuring two NPR podcasts (part of the Life Kit series) I recently reviewed. They are:
Equally as important as the podcasts themselves, are three rules I have for myself (and highly suggest for you) when consuming resources on this topic:
Folks, you’ve got this! And if you feel like you still need some more education to be fully prepared, reach out by clicking here. I would love to help you one-on-one or through a virtual parent workshop. To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following: www.fosteringsuccessllc.com facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/ instagram.com/fostering_success_llc/ linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/  The Birds & Bees: What’s Your Family’s Next Step?
Over the past week, I have seen numerous posts suggesting ways to keep you and your kiddos busy during this unexpected time of social distancing and calendar clearing. One suggestion I haven’t seen is this: TACKLE THE NEXT LEVEL OF “THE TALKS” WITH YOUR KIDS WHILE YOU HAVE ALL THIS EXTRA FREE TIME! There is an abundance of research that indicates early and open parent-child communication around the topic of sex is a protective factor to safe adolescent sexual decision making. An article by Weiss (2007) in the Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners listed several risks and protective factors contributing to sexual decision making among teens. Among the protective factors associated with ‘relationships with parents and families,’ Weiss states that, “Having open parent-child communication, parental disapproval of teen sex & premarital sex, and appropriate parental supervision and monitoring are protective.” So, where to start? Here is a family assessment checklist I provide in my workshops: ✓ Our family message about sex has been determined (and conveyed to kids) ✓ We use the anatomically correct vocabulary for body parts ✓ We have discussed “privates” and boundaries for who can see/touch ✓ We have explained puberty and all the changes that come along with it! ✓ We have explained how babies are born ✓ We have explained how babies are conceived ✓ Safe browsing has been enabled on ALL devices ✓ We have discussed pornography and what to do if our children see it Once you have determined where you are in the progression of “the talks,” comment on this post, including your child(ren)’s ages, gender, and the next step your family needs to take, and I will reply with recommended resources to assist you! Who knows parents, you might find this more comfortable than trying to figure out Common Core math or how to teach your kiddos the fundamentals of writing a research paper! You’ve got this! Reference Weiss, J. A. (2007). Let us talk about it: Safe adolescent sexual decision making. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 19(9), 450–458. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-7599.2007.00252.x To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following: www.fosteringsuccessllc.com facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/ instagram.com/fostering_success_llc/ linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/  Mom, can I download this app?
We’re coming to the end of our first week of school closures, online learning, canceled sports activities, and in general - doing whatever bargaining necessary to keep the kids entertained. At the same time, we try to maintain a “work-life balance.” I suspect, along with our current circumstances, there will also be a significant spike in parents getting this question from their kiddos: “Mom/Dad, can I download this app?” Hopefully, you have measures in place already that require your tiny-techies to get permission BEFORE downloading a new app. If not, click here for a tutorial on how to install “Ask to Buy” on Apple devices and click here for step-by-step on how to require purchases for all downloads (free or not). For Android users, click here for Google Play app downloading restrictions. Now that we have the parent permissions covered, how do you know if the answer should be yes, or no? Here are three great resources for doing your due diligence when it comes to the apps you allow (or in some cases, ban!):
To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following: www.fosteringsuccessllc.com facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/ instagram.com/fostering_success_llc/ linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/ Tech-wise Parenting During Social Distancing: Three Tips to Implement TODAY
Today, March 16, 2020, marks an unprecedented time in most of our lives. Those who may have lived through The Great Depression or WWII might be able to identify with having to adjust to such a widespread disruption in ‘life as we know it.’ However, for those of us parenting the iGeneration, never before have we been thrust into such reliance on the internet for academics and entertainment in general. With the sweeping school closures across the country and mandatory remote working for many parents starting today, the amount of time spent on devices will be skyrocketing. Here are three steps you can easily take today to make sure your children are safely accessing devices, appropriate apps, and the internet:
To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following: www.fosteringsuccessllc.com facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/ instagram.com/fostering_success_llc linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/ Looking back, I think I really started preparing for my daughter to ask me that question when she was itty bitty.
When she was in kindergarten another mom and I were talking about this dreaded conversation and she suggested I read Barrett Johnson’s book, “The Talks.” Of course, the book was in my Amazon cart instantly and thus began my research on this topic. I recently had the opportunity to meet Barrett when he presented at my daughter’s school and I shared with him an exchange I had with Emerson (then age 5) just days after I finished his book. It went like this (names have been omitted to protect the innocent): Me (noticing Em stare off into space at a stoplight): Em, what are you thinking about? Em: BOY Me: What about BOY? Em: How I’m going to marry him! Me (following Barrett’s advice not to shut that kind of conversation down): What about BOY makes you think you should marry him? Em: He’s kind to everyone. He’s funny and he loves God and Jesus as much as I do. Me: Wow. Those sound like great qualities in a husband! Fast forward to the week before her 10th birthday, driving home from a softball game, and that is when I got THE question. “Mom, can you just tell me how babies are made?” I am quite certain I didn't answer with 100% perfection but I was prepared and willing to engage in this parenting right of passage and for that, I am so grateful. So much so, that I want all parents to feel empowered to do the same (or better)! Why? Because after our first installment of "the talk" my girl prayed this prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the bond that my mom and I have, that we trust each other to have conversations like this. Amen.” Friends, there are no better words to hear from your child than bond, trust, and conversation! Click here to learn more about my workshop that educates and empowers parents to engage in conversations about body parts, privacy, puberty, reproduction and - critical to us parents in raising the iGeneration - tech-wise parenting! |
AuthorCollins Foster, LMSW Archives
May 2020
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