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<![CDATA[FOSTERING SUCCESS, LLC - Blog]]>Tue, 09 Dec 2025 16:08:44 -0800Weebly<![CDATA["Mommy, I have to tell you something."]]>Mon, 04 May 2020 15:50:39 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/mommy-i-have-to-tell-you-something

Every time my daughter says this line, I find myself bracing for impact! As she gets older, I have even added a quick prayer for guidance on how to respond to whatever it is she has to share.

One afternoon driving home from her pre-school, she announced in her sweet little 4-year-old voice that she had to tell me something. Here’s how it went:

Em: Mommy, I have to tell you something.
Me: What is it, sweetheart?
Em: Today at school *boy* tried to show me his privates.
Me: (Thankful to be stopped at a red light with my back to my girl.) Oh, okay. What did you do?
Em: I ran away, Mommy. That is GROSS!
Me: Do you remember who was around you when that happened; did any teachers see?
Em: No, but I told Mrs. Beth and Mrs. Christine!
Me: Well, sweetheart, you did the right thing, and I appreciate you telling me. You know you can always tell Mommy and Daddy anything. Right?
Em: Right.
Me: And should anyone ever show you their privates?
Em: No.
Me: Right, that’s why they are called PRIVATE!

Friends, if your child (no matter the age) discloses something of this nature to you, here are a few essential things to keep in mind:

Don’t overreact because you might scare them out of giving you more info. STAY CALM!
Encourage them to share more information without planting thoughts or by leading questions. Use active listening techniques such as nodding your head and saying, “and then what?” or, “keep going, you’re doing good at telling me what happened.”
Validate their feelings by something like, “Wow, that must have taken you by surprise. You did not do anything wrong, and I am so proud of you for telling me what happened.” or, “It sounds like that made you feel (repeat back to them a word they used in their description).”
Praise them for telling you by saying, “Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You did the right thing, and you know you can always tell Mommy anything.”
Reinforce their safety by telling them you will take the proper steps to make sure it never happens again.
Notify appropriate individuals:
1. In the example I gave, we notified our daughter’s teacher so she could address it as needed. It is crucial to keep in mind the developmental stage of the child at the time of the incident. In our case, the kids were a bit older for the "curiosity about body parts," and sometimes, children exposing themselves can be an indicator that they are being abused. Most importantly, remember that teachers and school administrators are trained in how to handle these kinds of situations. Hence, the best course of action is to disclose what happened privately (NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA) to the appropriate individuals AND reinforce appropriate/inappropriate behavior with your child.
2. If there has been abuse that needs to be reported or investigated, call 911 or DFCS so they can deploy the proper investigation measures. Do NOT excessively question your child as you may tamper the investigation process unknowingly, asking leading questions, etc.

Folks, you’ve got this! And if you feel like you still need some more education to be fully prepared, reach out by clicking here. I would love to help you one-on-one or through a virtual parent workshop.

To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following:
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linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/

]]><![CDATA[Resource Spotlight: NPR Life Kit Podcasts]]>Mon, 13 Apr 2020 18:01:50 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/resource-spotlight-npr-podcasts

“I know I should talk to my kids about sex, but I don’t how!"

Parents, I hear you. I feel you. I empathize with you. I was in the same boat a few years ago when I realized my daughter was growing at a faster pace than was my knowledge base on how to initiate birds & bees conversations!

Fortunately for me, when I realized it was time to start digging into this subject matter, I was in graduate school writing what felt like a full-on research paper a week. So, with my mind already in research mode, I entered this into a Google search: How do I teach my daughter about sex? (Side note: I am grateful I had safe search filters enabled when I plugged in that question! If you need some guidance on safe search check out this blog post from last month.)

That search was the beginning of months worth of vetting books, reviewing blogs, talking to parents of older children. In essence, anything I could get my hands on that helped me craft the strategy for approaching all the many layers of this topic boldly and confidently! And, in the manner most appropriate for OUR family based on our own core beliefs, value system, and maturity of our daughter.

In my parent workshop - Prepping for The Talks - I share a comprehensive list of resources by age/stage so they can take what they have learned in the workshop and build their family toolkit that is best suited for their family’s needs. In today’s resource spotlight, I am featuring two NPR podcasts (part of the Life Kit series) I recently reviewed. They are:

The Birds And The Bees — How To Talk To Children About Sex (click here)
What Your Teen Wishes You Knew About Sex Education (click here)

Equally as important as the podcasts themselves, are three rules I have for myself (and highly suggest for you) when consuming resources on this topic:

Keep an open mind. While I might not agree with EVERYTHING that is presented (or ready to tackle a particular subtopic discussed), I know that my reaction (positive or negative) is giving me valuable information on the aspects of the talk for which I need to spend more time preparing.
Vocabulary words are one thing. My opinion of a vocabulary word is another. There are definitely going to be words or phrases that make me squirm when I think about discussing them with my daughter. So I don’t get overwhelmed, I think about my daughter’s sex education in two buckets: 1) the definition of a word or phrase and 2) how I will frame our value system around that particular word or phrase.
My consumption of a resource does not mean I have to immediately share it with my child. I want to either initiate or be responsive, not reactive, to my daughter’s curiosity about the various layers of human growth & development and sex education. As such, I am always searching for guidance on the next layer of the talks. Just because I listen to a podcast on how to talk to my middle or high schooler about sex doesn’t mean I’m ready or obligated to run straight to my elementary schooler and download a lot of ‘big info’ that I haven’t even developed a strategy around. It merely means I am gathering information, I have a few more tools in my tool kit, and I am closer to having a plan in place.

]]><![CDATA[Birds & Bees: What’s Your Next Step?]]>Mon, 23 Mar 2020 19:17:32 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/birds-bees-whats-your-next-step

The Birds & Bees: What’s Your Family’s Next Step?

Over the past week, I have seen numerous posts suggesting ways to keep you and your kiddos busy during this unexpected time of social distancing and calendar clearing.
One suggestion I haven’t seen is this: TACKLE THE NEXT LEVEL OF “THE TALKS” WITH YOUR KIDS WHILE YOU HAVE ALL THIS EXTRA FREE TIME!

There is an abundance of research that indicates early and open parent-child communication around the topic of sex is a protective factor to safe adolescent sexual decision making. An article by Weiss (2007) in the Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners listed several risks and protective factors contributing to sexual decision making among teens. Among the protective factors associated with ‘relationships with parents and families,’ Weiss states that, “Having open parent-child communication, parental disapproval of teen sex & premarital sex, and appropriate parental supervision and monitoring are protective.”

So, where to start? Here is a family assessment checklist I provide in my workshops:
✓ Our family message about sex has been determined (and conveyed to kids)
✓ We use the anatomically correct vocabulary for body parts
✓ We have discussed “privates” and boundaries for who can see/touch
✓ We have explained puberty and all the changes that come along with it!
✓ We have explained how babies are born
✓ We have explained how babies are conceived
✓ Safe browsing has been enabled on ALL devices
✓ We have discussed pornography and what to do if our children see it

Once you have determined where you are in the progression of “the talks,” comment on this post, including your child(ren)’s ages, gender, and the next step your family needs to take, and I will reply with recommended resources to assist you!

Who knows parents, you might find this more comfortable than trying to figure out Common Core math or how to teach your kiddos the fundamentals of writing a research paper!

You’ve got this!

Reference
Weiss, J. A. (2007). Let us talk about it: Safe adolescent sexual decision making. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 19(9), 450–458. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-7599.2007.00252.x
To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following:
www.fosteringsuccessllc.com
facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/
instagram.com/fostering_success_llc/
linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/

]]><![CDATA[Mom, Can I download this app?]]>Fri, 20 Mar 2020 15:50:45 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/mom-can-i-download-this-app

Mom, can I download this app?
We’re coming to the end of our first week of school closures, online learning, canceled sports activities, and in general - doing whatever bargaining necessary to keep the kids entertained. At the same time, we try to maintain a “work-life balance.”

I suspect, along with our current circumstances, there will also be a significant spike in parents getting this question from their kiddos: “Mom/Dad, can I download this app?”

Hopefully, you have measures in place already that require your tiny-techies to get permission BEFORE downloading a new app. If not, click here for a tutorial on how to install “Ask to Buy” on Apple devices and click here for step-by-step on how to require purchases for all downloads (free or not). For Android users, click here for Google Play app downloading restrictions.

Now that we have the parent permissions covered, how do you know if the answer should be yes, or no? Here are three great resources for doing your due diligence when it comes to the apps you allow (or in some cases, ban!):

National Online Safety has guides for numerous apps. What I love about this resource is that it gives specific insights into the dangers of the particular app. Here’s an idea - read these warnings with your child and ask them this, “given what we have learned about (insert app here), do you think I would be keeping you safe by allowing you to have this?” I used this strategy with my daughter when she asked for TikTok, and she hasn’t asked for it since!
Common Sense Media is excellent! Just plug in the app, game, movie, etc. and read the reviews.
Join Parenting in a Tech World on Facebook! This group is hosted by Bark, an Atlanta-based company whose monitoring tool covers text messages, YouTube, email, and social media platforms and notifies parents of concerning content. The Facebook group has been very enlightening as parents post examples of what they are finding on their kids’ devices and others chime in explaining how do decode the emojis or ‘text codes.’ I also love staying in tune with how kids are finding workarounds to access the internet (and many other hacks). I feel like when I finally do allow my daughter to have a device of her own; I will be ahead of the game. Maybe!?!? We’ll see….

]]><![CDATA[Digital safety during social distancing]]>Mon, 16 Mar 2020 18:30:31 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/digital-safety-during-social-distancingTech-wise Parenting During Social Distancing: Three Tips to Implement TODAY

Today, March 16, 2020, marks an unprecedented time in most of our lives. Those who may have lived through The Great Depression or WWII might be able to identify with having to adjust to such a widespread disruption in ‘life as we know it.’

However, for those of us parenting the iGeneration, never before have we been thrust into such reliance on the internet for academics and entertainment in general. With the sweeping school closures across the country and mandatory remote working for many parents starting today, the amount of time spent on devices will be skyrocketing.
Here are three steps you can easily take today to make sure your children are safely accessing devices, appropriate apps, and the internet:

Make sure “safe search” is enabled on your browser to filter sexually explicit content as your children are completing schoolwork (or for any reason they may be online). Click here for a quick tutorial on how to implement this safety measure.
For parents, grandparents, or caregivers who are loaning THEIR devices to children, learn how to use “guided access” to restrict access to apps, websites, etc. This tutorial covers how to limit access to a specific game/app, a particular video on YouTube or YouTube Kids, and a particular website (all pre-approved by you). Click here for a short tutorial explaining guided access.
Talk to your children about the dangers of online content (specifically) pornography) and online communication with strangers. Click here for ten easy conversation starters provided by The National Center for on Sexual Exploitation’s Safeguard Alliance project.

To stay up-to-date with helpful parent resources, discussion, and upcoming events, please connect via any (or all!) of the following:
www.fosteringsuccessllc.com
facebook.com/fosteringsuccessllc/
instagram.com/fostering_success_llc
linkedin.com/in/collinsfoster/

]]><![CDATA[Mom, how are babies made?]]>Wed, 04 Mar 2020 22:40:23 GMThttps://www.fosteringsuccessllc.com/blog/mom-how-are-babies-madeLooking back, I think I really started preparing for my daughter to ask me that question when she was itty bitty.

When she was in kindergarten another mom and I were talking about this dreaded conversation and she suggested I read Barrett Johnson’s book, “The Talks.” Of course, the book was in my Amazon cart instantly and thus began my research on this topic.

I recently had the opportunity to meet Barrett when he presented at my daughter’s school and I shared with him an exchange I had with Emerson (then age 5) just days after I finished his book. It went like this (names have been omitted to protect the innocent):

Me (noticing Em stare off into space at a stoplight): Em, what are you thinking about?
Em: BOY
Me: What about BOY?
Em: How I’m going to marry him!
Me (following Barrett’s advice not to shut that kind of conversation down): What about BOY makes you think you should marry him?
Em: He’s kind to everyone. He’s funny and he loves God and Jesus as much as I do.
Me: Wow. Those sound like great qualities in a husband!

Fast forward to the week before her 10th birthday, driving home from a softball game, and that is when I got THE question. “Mom, can you just tell me how babies are made?” I am quite certain I didn't answer with 100% perfection but I was prepared and willing to engage in this parenting right of passage and for that, I am so grateful.

So much so, that I want all parents to feel empowered to do the same (or better)! Why? Because after our first installment of "the talk" my girl prayed this prayer: "Dear God, thank you for the bond that my mom and I have, that we trust each other to have conversations like this. Amen.”

Friends, there are no better words to hear from your child than bond, trust, and conversation!

Click here to learn more about my workshop that educates and empowers parents to engage in conversations about body parts, privacy, puberty, reproduction and - critical to us parents in raising the iGeneration - tech-wise parenting!

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