"Mommy, I have to tell you something."

Every time my daughter says this line, I find myself bracing for impact! As she gets older, I have even added a quick prayer for guidance on how to respond to whatever it is she has to share. 

One afternoon driving home from her pre-school, she announced in her sweet little 4-year-old voice that she had to tell me something. Here’s how it went:
​

Em: Mommy, I have to tell you something.
Me: What is it, sweetheart?
Em: Today at school *boy* tried to show me his privates.
Me: (Thankful to be stopped at a red light with my back to my girl.) Oh, okay. What did you do?
Em: I ran away, Mommy. That is GROSS!
Me: Do you remember who was around you when that happened; did any teachers see?
Em: No, but I told Mrs. Beth and Mrs. Christine!
Me: Well, sweetheart, you did the right thing, and I appreciate you telling me. You know you can always tell Mommy and Daddy anything. Right? 
Em: Right.
Me: And should anyone ever show you their privates? 
Em: No. 
Me: Right, that’s why they are called PRIVATE!

Friends, if your child (no matter the age) discloses something of this nature to you, here are a few essential things to keep in mind:

1. Don’t overreact because you might scare them out of giving you more info. STAY CALM! 
2. Encourage them to share more information without planting thoughts or by leading questions. Use active listening techniques such as nodding your head and saying, “and then what?” or, “keep going, you’re doing good at telling me what happened.”
3. Validate their feelings by something like, “Wow, that must have taken you by surprise. You did not do anything wrong, and I am so proud of you for telling me what happened.” or, “It sounds like that made you feel (repeat back to them a word they used in their description).”
4. Praise them for telling you by saying, “Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You did the right thing, and you know you can always tell Mommy anything.”
5. Reinforce their safety by telling them you will take the proper steps to make sure it never happens again. 
6. Notify appropriate individuals:  
   1. In the example I gave, we notified our daughter’s teacher so she could address it as needed. It is crucial to keep in mind the developmental stage of the child at the time of the incident. In our case, the kids were a bit older for the "curiosity about body parts," and sometimes, children exposing themselves can be an indicator that they are being abused. Most importantly, remember that teachers and school administrators are trained in how to handle these kinds of situations. Hence, the best course of action is to disclose what happened privately (NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA) to the appropriate individuals AND reinforce appropriate/inappropriate behavior with your child. 
   2. If there has been abuse that needs to be reported or investigated, call 911 or DFCS so they can deploy the proper investigation measures. Do NOT excessively question your child as you may tamper the investigation process unknowingly, asking leading questions, etc. 

Folks, you’ve got this! And if you feel like you still need some more education to be fully prepared, reach out by clicking here. I would love to help you one-on-one or through a virtual parent workshop. 

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